Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Happy Fuckin' Valentine's Day, Y'all
I hope someone else out there isn't just listening to the Velvet Underground while drunk and smoking endless cigarettes. Actually, I know they're not. They're crying into their drinks and wishing they had a Velvet Underground CD in which to drown their sorrows. That makes me happy.
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This has nothing to do with Valentine's day. But, it has everything to do with Darwin, forks and sporks. And, since forks have tines and Valen has tines, that's my hook: I'm afraid that forks did not evolve from spoons. They seem, rather, to be of the same species, based on Darwin's classification in the quotation below, from Chapter 2 of Darwin's "The Voyage of the Beagle":
"The hosts are most ungracious and disagreeable in their manners; their houses and their persons are often filthily dirty; the want of the accommodation of forks, knives, and spoons is common; and I am sure no cottage or hovel in
England could be found in a state so utterly destitute of every
comfort."
I guess in this case that the hovel is kind of like the island with the finches. The forks and knives and spoons are geographically isolated. Perhaps reproducing more forks and knives and spoons, perhaps giving rise to the occasional spork.
Thus, sporks are the result of interspecies breeding between forks and spoons. Sort of like mules? Perhaps the relative scarcity of sporks is due to natural sterility, hence an inability to breed more sporks from sporks. Mike M., you have done the seemingly impossible, and found a quote from Darwin's writings directly addressing the fork/spoon dichotomy. The Editor is most impressed. You will be receiving some sort of prize in the mail before long; just as soon as I decide what is good enough. Only the best and rarest of designer sporks for you, who have shown yourself to be not only tine-eriffic, but perhaps even tine-tastic.
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