Croon along with me, people: "I'm in the mooooood for zoooombiiiiiiies. . . "

The raging thunderstorm and pouring rain is, once again, making the Editor feel that it is zombie time. Of course, all the time is zombie time, but now in particular. So, once again at Tifanie's request, here are a few rules for fortifying your abode, and making it cozily safe from unwanted undead intrusion.

1) First, soundproof your house, and install blackout curtains. This will ensure that any festering night-time wanderers will be attracted to your neighbors, rather than to you; or at least, that said neighbors' screams of fear will be your zombie early-alert system, rather than the mysterious sounds of breaking glass in your living room, followed by eerie moans.

2) Make sure that there are at least two exits; preferably, one of them should lead to a private helicopter landing pad, which is unapproachable other than by your secret door. (The door should require a retinal scan; but we won't press the point.) We all know what happens when the zombies are streaming in the front gate, and the victims are backed up against the garden wall, seemingly unable to climb. For god's sake, avoid this gaffe, and have another way out.

3) You should be able to climb; zombies can't. The staircase in your house should be collapsible, and the second story well stocked with shotgun slugs and canned food.

4) It has been speculated that zombies carry a zombie virus; have ample supplies of bottled water on hand, to avoid having to consume suspect city tap water. It pollutes your precious bodily fluids, anyway, with all that fluorine, so you're better off no matter what.

5) Paranoia, paranoia, and more paranoia: I can't stress this enough, people! Be AWARE that zombies could lurk behind every bush! In every vehicle! Right outside your door right now, as you sit and innocently read this posting, not cognizant of your imminent gnawing doom!

6) Do not do as the Editor is doing now, which is, sitting by an open French window, quietly smoking and enjoying the thunder and lightning. This is courting disaster. However, I might point out that I do have a large gate, which is difficult for a normally coordinated human to open; several blunt objects ready to hand; and an easy escape route out the back of the apartment, through the bedroom window, and over the neighbor's fence, which leads to high ground which is eminently defensible.

7) Last but not least, do not hesitate to use decoys. Do you know anyone who is expendable? Take these people with you, as you flee from the zombies. They are excellent bait to be thrown behind you, thus delaying your fiendish foes for those possibly critical instants of chewing and mayhem. Remember, in any group of ten or twelve who begin a battle of wits against the zombies, there are only one or two who survive, battered and out of ammo, to tell the tale. You want to be the one or two, so take a few coworkers with you when you run for it. They may come in handy.

So follow these simple rules, and you too can survive the coming zombie holocaust! And if we're all alive by morning, and not pelting down the street being pursued by ravening half-human living corpses, have a pleasant Tuesday. This public service message was brought to you by Super LerxOff, Inc.