Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Disclaimer attached; there should always be one, really

(So here is the Disclaimer: Nothing quoted in this posting is being used for profit in any way (as if it could be), AND it is quoted for research purposes only. I just don't want anyone suing my blog. Hah. As if this organization could settle with anyone for more than the price of a pack of gum.)

So once again, we have proven ourselves to be solely dedicated to public service. We have selflessly toiled through a long list of blogspot's finest offerings, and have come up with two real blue-ribbon winners. Remember my instructive comments of a few days ago on the subject of the proper use of grammar, punctuation, and spelling? Well, here's an example of the fine prose which can result from ignoring (or perhaps, total ignorance of) such:

oh ... halo !!! long time no see liaox ... i was banned from comp ... now ok lerx ... so can post back lerx lor ... school was actuali terrible on the first day of the orientation ... know e reason ??? coz i didnt know any new frenz !!! ahh !!! terrible ... then the second day i know almost all the student councilors lerx ... lol !!! then i know e whole class ... or the other way round ... coz i dunno do wad then the class know me lerx ... then now i know more frenz lerx ... haha ... cool rite ??? got nth to sae lerx ... hmmm ... lol !!! bye !!!

Now, one is tempted to let this manifesto stand alone for posterity . . . except for one small problem, which is, it actually took my handpicked team of linguists, xenobiologists, and cryptographers two weeks to render a fairly accurate translation. It appears to be addressed to some entity named "liaox", or perhaps another called "lerx"; my research group speculated that perhaps "liaox" and "lerx" were two opposing gender-modes of the same organism, which possibly exists in a state of transdimensional flux; or, at least, confusion. The confusion was agreed upon by all seven of my experts. Their translation, which caused some real hair-pulling and two fistfights, was grudgingly agreed by all to run something like this:

Hello, Liaox, haven't talked to you in a while! I was banned from comp[uter lab]. Now, okay Lerx, I can post back to you also [???]. School was actually terrible, on the first day of orientation. Do you want to know why? Because I didn't make any new [friends]. Oh, it was terrible. Then [on] the second day I met almost all of the student councilors, Lerx. [alien laughter] Then I knew the whole class. Or the other way around. [???] Because I don't know [...] then the class knew me, Lerx. And now I know more friends, Lerx. [incomprehensible amusement, doubtless concept of humor foreign to humans] Cool, right? Got [nothing?] to say Lerx. [alien thought processes, and more laughter] Bye!

This is the result of backbreaking labor, using the most advanced equipment and the most sophisticated techniques known anywhere in the world. We're trying to discover if this posting is indeed the result of an alien civilization, and if so, how we can avoid all commerce with them in the future.

Our second winner is obviously, unfortunately, from this planet. However, well . . . this one should just be read first, and commented upon after.

I'm enjoying watching Scrubs series everynight! 1,2 episodes.. they're funny & well done too. I read somewhere the whole Scrubs, Andy McBeal et cetera are in someway more close to our new pycological attitude. All those insights, micro sequences showing what the character is actually thinking, they are very catchy and funny!

My linguist, and a highly trained pycologist (heh heh) went over this one with a fine-toothed comb, and their conclusions were as follows. First of all, they were certain that the cast and creators of "Scrubs" would be delighted to know that they had captured the attention of the highest common denominator of American society. Secondly, they inferred that the author of this riveting fragment had in fact "read [something] somewhere"; a good sign, on the whole, although the results of this erudition were, frankly, somewhat disappointing. All of us were puzzled as to why Ally McBeal had changed her (his??) name to Andy, but, as none of us were ever fans of this particular television delight, we speculated that perhaps some sort of plot-driven sex change operation had occurred. My experts also deduced that the author liked both of these programs, and in fact found them both "catchy" and "funny", and also "well done".

Now for the Editor's editorial. Anonymous author, may your name be ground into the dust with your pathetic and blighted existence: We here at Notes from Overground refuse to acknowledge any of our attitudes as "pycological". We don't have diseases like that. Or something. Uh . . . And then there's the question of "all those insights". Indeed. The insights, the Editor is sorry to inform you, are if possible even more micro than the sequences to which you so glancingly refer; and were the Editor to attempt to collect them for analysis, it is highly doubtful that they would cover the end of our standard-issue nickel plated microspatula. May we suggest that you have a brilliant career as a theater critic ahead of you, so long as you exclusively cover elementary school productions of "Santa Claus in the Land of the Evil Elves".

But I digress. Quite seriously, if anyone knows whether or not Andy McBeal really did have a sex change operation, will you please notify my research staff immediately? My pycologist in particular wants to have a look.


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