Feeling insecure? Well, you will be.

Whereas, I have recently acquired my laptop from Ideasculptor; and whereas, he has informed me that I must post once per week to avoid repossession of said cheap and good hardware; and whereas I want to keep it; I am now posting. Congratulations, Ideasculptor, you have successfully blackmailed the Editor. That's actually quite difficult to do, as I'm usually the first to inform everyone whenever I do something illegal, stupid, or just plain embarrassing. Why hide it?

It makes me wonder about you, though, Ideasculptor; these posts don't seem worth an almost new laptop. But whatever you say. I'm not arguing.

So, for everyone's delectation this evening, I direct you to our very own Homeland Security website. Have you ever wondered what radiation looks like, when it's directed at the groin? Wonder no longer. There are stick figures standing by to inform you. Questions about the possible results of chemical warfare? They will be answered, in short, easily comprehended sentences. Frankly, anyone who needs this website, deserves their lung-vomiting eye-bleeding fate. And really, if you're in the last stages of Ebola, trying desperately to drag yourself into the kitchen for some water, or maybe just to die, do you stop in along the way to run "biological weapon exposure symtoms" through google, and then go to the website, and gaze blearily through blood-clouded eyes (if they're still attached to your head) at the small round-headed graphic man standing behind a radiation shield, hoping that all of your internal organs will return to a state of solidity? Actually, that'd probably be about as productive as anything else, at that point. We are all doomed. Doomed, I tell you! Fire and brimstone! Plagues of squirrels! Midgets with AK-47s, descending upon the suburbs in very small helicopters!

Thank you, Homeland Security. I feel much more secure now, in the knowledge that every time I need to see a small, badly-proportioned diagram of several suspicious looking containers of nuclear material, I have somewhere to go.