Dear Readers,
This is one of those times when, although the idea of writing anything seems too tiring to contemplate, the wanking must go on. Humans seem able to bitch, even when they ought by all rights to be too exhausted even to open their mouths, it's one of the hallmarks of being a part of the species. In fact, if you ever meet anyone who's able to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with silent dignity and restraint, be assured they're a pod person, zombie, or other verminous doppelganger, and kill them without hesitation. (The Romans knew this, that's why then invented crucifixion.)
So, to prove that I am none of the above, I will hereby wank without restraint.
1) The Editor is currently afflicted with some mystery illness which manifests itself almost entirely in itchy bumps all over the arms, legs, and parts of the torso; no amount of Benadryl seems capable of making this any less aggravating.
2) The (many) pills that the Editor is taking are nausea-inducing and make your head float somewhere above - and not in one of those nice fluffy white clouds, either, more in the smog zone above Los Angeles.
3) While we're at it, why don't I have a whole bunch of slaves to bring me tea at all hours? That sure would be nice.
That was actually some fairly limited wankery, and you should all be grateful. See? I've given every reader something else not to complain about. And god knows my readers in particular need something like that, you bunch of whimpering whiners.
Love, The Editor
P.S. Did I mention that the drugs make you really, really out of it?
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3 comments:
I have to say, dear Editor, that the first comment on your post made it infinitely more amusing than it probably should have been.
And don't think I'm not going to go to the deer hunting site, either. I am most flattered by the approbation of anyone who has enough firepower to take out my zombie lab.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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